At Love Bites Only, we want to stop insects from spoiling our fun - which is why we developed our repellent with all-natural ingredients, cackling in our serious-yet-stylish lab coats with perfectly coiffed hair as they shook their tiny critter fists at us, because we spoiled theirs. That doesn't mean we aren't fascinated by the insect world, no matter how insanely weird (and often gross) it can be. For example, and we learned this from a kids' card game: the microscopic demodex mite, also known as an eyelash mite because it lives on our faces, is the only creature known to be bum-less. It gets around the issue by storing its waste internally, but then 14 days later explodes, ON OUR FACES. This is not how Dr Seuss portrayed microscopic worlds - his was full of charming and erudite townspeople, and Horton didn’t Hear a Poo.
Small, but mightily pesky
Just as weird as demodex mites, which matter less in the scheme of things because we can't see or feel them, and more importantly, they don't bite us (just smear us in tiny excrement) - are midges. Because the bugs we focus on at Love Bites Only are the biters, the blood-suckers, the kind who stop us living our best lives in the way we want to, who leave marks, itches and spread disease. We don't like those ones. We know they have a function in the ecosystem of existence, but we don't want them around.
And when it comes to Scotland, it's all about the midges. Specifically: female midges. Because the female of the species is more deadly, and possibly vengeful, than the male. And she loves nothing more than to swarm, CGI horror film-style, over hapless deer and cattle as they're trying to chill out in a field, homing in on blood like Hive Mind Predator. They're partial to humans too, which is why the West Highland Way, known as one of the world's most scenic walks, is badly affected during the summer months. Because at certain times of year, the midges are determined to make this as inhospitable and unpleasant an experience as possible. Which sucks (pun intended).
Midge facts - know thine enemy
The thing about Scotland is, it's utterly gorgeous: with the kind of scenery to make a sassy but overworked New York lawyer (played by Lindsay Lohan in a straight-to-streaming flick) swoon. But the other thing about Scotland is, midges. And much like mosquitos, midges love humidity, which is why the summer months are the worst. The highland midge is commonly referred to as a midgie in Scotland, which makes them sound appropriately fighty, like they've been on the pints and at a Hibs match. You'll also find them in other parts of the UK and Scandinavia, and, like Shrek, they love a swamp. The CGI horror vibe is because they gather in clouds to descend on their prey - generally sheep, cattle, deer, and us.
The good news is that midgies struggle in dry, cloudless conditions. They're particularly fond of humid, wet, and/or cloudy - which aptly describes Scotland's climate in summer. They can do darkness (because they're sort of goths), they don't do buildings, but love a tent. (Which is why, on an ill-advised trip to Skye one June, we spent the entire trip zipped up in a parka coat in the car, like Kenny from South Park, who no doubt would have suffered death by midges at the end of the episode.) They HATE wind though. With one good gust, they're blown away. Ha.
Hive minds love the West Highland Way
The West Highland Way is comprised of just under 100 miles of loveliness from Glasgow to Fort William in the Scottish Highlands. The Proclaimers could walk it five times, then five more times, if they really wanted to invest in the lyrics to their best-known banger. You get everything that makes Scotland amazing on the WHW - serene lochs, rugged mountain peaks, dense forest and picturesque glens, and you'll pass through iconic sites like Loch Lomond, the Devil's Staircase and Rannoch Moor, ending at the foot of Scotland's highest peak, Ben Nevis. You'll also encounter the historic villages of Dryden, Tyndrum and Kinlochleven (which you should definitely not try to say after a few beers), to partake of refreshments, rest your weary heads, and pick up supplies.
So if all this sounds rather fabulous, and you want to do it in summer, wear loose clothes covering your limbs, and take some insect repellent. DEET formulations are a popular way to try and defend against the pest of midge – but then you have the risk of adverse reactions, which can be anything from skin rashes to sleeplessness to headaches. And nasty smells all over your clothes and hands.
We much prefer our Love Bites Only, because we like to be natural as well as unbitten. Not to mention, it doubles as a soothing balm should the hive mind catch you unawares. Just think of the pictures, and don't let a little swarm put you off. And if all else fails, go in May...
LBO x